Bad Relationships are Killing Us
In the last couple days, I've heard friends and family tell me about this or that challenge in their romantic relationships, marriage and courtship.
People are going through things. I remember my own experience having to share space for almost a year with my former in- law when looking to resettle from being away. Goodness, that was stressful. A story for another day.
It appears the condition which we spend less time paying particular attention to is what is most capable of undoing us, even the strongest amongst us.
After all the effort we put in for success in other areas of our lives, the one thing that can potentially undo it all is being in a bad relationship and remaining in it, hoping it will get better, when there are no positive signs or indicators from either party or both that things will actually get better.
I heard two woe stories recently. People are hurting bad, really bad but can't seem to lift themselves out of bad relationships because of what I suspect is fundamentally pressure from society. There may also be a lack of self-worth and self-will. The first reasonable thing to do when things are going bad in a relationship is not to leave but seek to address whatever challenges there may be.
However, one must know where trying to make things better ends. For example, you cannot change a multiple cheating wife who does next to nothing for you, takes all your money, treats you with venom when you are unable to meet her demands. You cannot change a wife who goes out and comes in smelling of another man. My brother where is your self-worth? You want to commit suicide over this?
There's also that husband who keeps reinfecting you with this and that. My sister if you are not careful the next infection might be HIV if you don't have it already.
That partner making you question your every thought and move, making you feel inadequate is abusing you emotionally. Know that it is not healthy.
I don’t advocate divorce; it is not the best option if things can be helped. I believe we are obligated to give all our commitments our very best shot. However, sometimes leaving is the only option.
I am a two-time divorcee. My first husband left me for the daughter of his prophet upon revelations from the most high.
I left my second husband for leaving me on a highway at 2:00 am. I recognised by his action that he had no value for my life. What other conviction did I need to leave the marriage? Tell me.
I Esi Arhin, a two-time DIVORCEE is also here among the living. I am not dead. I am still here. I am happy and living one day at a time through struggling to get the family going just like most are and ensuring I am in good cheer as much as possible. On very difficult days I remember no matter what happens the day will pass.
My sister, my brother, no relationship should push you to the point of suicide. Eiii. Aden?
Leaving a bad relationship won’t kill you. In so many ways my second marriage was better than my first, that is if one can even compare two very different relationships. But since certain pillars are consistent in all relationships, I dare say I left what was fundamentally not a bad marriage. I had to. My conscience won't let me stay.
I’m here to tell you to please place value on yourself. After you've done, that check if your partner places the same value on you. Note that absolutely no one can place more value on you than yourself. So don't expect it. Expect a match and if that match does not exist, please walk. It is not normal for a grown woman to be flogged by her husband in the presence of her children. It is not. If you ask me, there is no love here. Accept that and walk. Walk away. After two masters and a PHD surely you do not lack analytical ability. Summon courage from the deep recesses of your mind and walk. You will live. I promise you.
How can you sustain success when the fire in you to live life to the fullest is slowly dying?
Getting a divorce or letting that toxic relationship go may be the greatest gift you can ever give yourself.
After two failed marriages I have been blessed with a very loving relationship. Ma da koraa, I am fast dozing (in vigilance of course). If I see and feel "nyaa" I am leaving this one too. He knows it.
Would you keep investing good money into a bad venture after several failed ventures because you don't want to be seen as a bad businessman or woman? This is where I am at.
By all reasonable means let's endeavour to make our relationships work but know when the glass is shuttered and cannot be pieced together. Know.
Many of us continue to remain in harrowing relationships because we are afraid of being judged.
Bad relationships affect us negatively. A bad relationship creates stress and problems that impacts on our well-being.
Researchers say bad relationships significantly increase our risk of developing heart problems. They note that stress and detrimental relationships directly affect the cardiovascular system.
We let ourselves die a slow death every day by remaining in toxic relationships. What a great disservice to the self and our maker.
Divorce is not a crime. Neither is leaving a relationship for whatever reason. It is not the yardstick for the total sum of who you are. There's so much more to us.
God, if you believe there's a God who places high value on our heads, then know that we are priceless. I believe the intent is for us to thrive and flourish, live in joy and enjoy his endless grace. All S(HE) asks.
First published on Facebook January 22nd, 2022
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